A collaboration, is arguable one of the most challenging, painful, and too most enriching experiences an artist can have.
In conjunction with my other work, the painting collaboration with Suzy Stuckey and Mercedez Hart has been directly related to my other works this semester. For me, and I say for me in want to give respect to my other partners, knowing each of us had different intentions with the collaboration, I exprienced another form of vulnerability which I have yet to talk thoroughly about with anyone. This blog will be the first time I come to terms personally, and too publicily about the sensitivity I experienced in the space.
“Let’s just see what happens, react to the space.” Before I knew it, I was rolling in paint, and felt more comfortable in my skin than the 21 years of life prior to that moment. I’ve always had a disconnect in my work, with wanting to be in physical connection, struggling with the separation. The idea of a finish product frightening me because I don’t want to have to leave my work, or seperate myself, I want to be apart of it, because I am part of it, forever.
In saying that, this collaboration connected that missing link for me. I was in a vulnerable state with paint, space, fabric, and at times another body. I could not react any other way, I was in my truest form in that space, existing. I was being, and that was it. While my collaborators may have enjoyed the film interaction between Suzy and I, I found the most interesting moments to be ones of one body. The amount of discomfort that arose, and simplicity, and lack of purpose given to the viewer is intriguing. The viewer is able to place themselves in the space with the person, rather than watch a dialogue between two figures. With our movements we accomplished a sense of open ended thought, where the viewer and ourselves are allowed to wonder. I want to go back there, where I was covered in paint, comfortable for the first time, in totality, within my skin. I felt right, beautiful, alive, unstoppable, invisible, present, lost, and content. I was me. I was angry, scared, skid-dish, exhuasted, cold, warm, playful, sensual.
I was sensual. I was sensual. I am sensual. SENSUALITY.
This is what I am learning to embrace as I grow into a woman. I tell my self: “it is beautiful, it is yours, open your hands, claim it”
This word, sensual, being the one word that has stuck. My other work being about the woman and girl existing at the same time inside of me, this video presented the opportunity to allow them to understand the body which they live in. The girl was able to play and have no reserves, while the woman was also able to be free, and embrace how materials brought forth this feeling of sensuality. Touch, and my ability to be in physical contact with my work is something I cannot be without. So, for my whole body to be in contact and in relationship with the medium everything fell in line. Completeness was made. My body had become the medium, I was no longer me, I was the art. WE WERE. WE WERE THE ART, the camera, the view, everything.
No matter the emotions that came out, I felt like I was home, a home I’ve never been allowed to go to before, and I am grateful for that.
In conclusion, the film that will have no sound is complete, and I want to thank my fellow collaborators for we have made a film a very very beautiful creation, and too it has helped further resolve struggles in my work. You ladies were a large part of me being able to allow the girl and woman in me to meet each other in a physical space, and both spoke, both fought, and both grew.
I hope everyone who comes across our film enjoys it, in their own way.